Frak This.

FULL VIEW STRONGLY ENCOURAGED!

(Unless you want to go blind. In that case, do not full view.)

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DESCRIPTION!

Why? Because it's hard to keep track. Now reading between the lines of subtlety will be far easier! Want to know if there's more to a character's "I need you to ride my Viper, commander!" line? Whip out this handy-dandy cheat-sheet to find out if they meant it literally or figuratively, in some distressingly smexy and dirty way!

("Resurrectron?" Gods. I need to stop smoking my pun-pipe.)

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NOTES!

Zarek + Ellen.

Are they frakking? I don't know. 3x02 (Precipice) shows Zarek to be a man of principles in spite of his flaws, so perhaps the definite energy between him and Ellen in 1x11 (Colonial Day) was political only. However, Ellen is a doucheskank, so they might be frakking. 50/50.


Ellen.

I was going to have about twenty arrows originating from Ellen, all pointing in different directions off-screen. Because she's a doucheskank who sleeps with everyone. I ended up sacrificing the visual joke for the sake of aesthetic purity -- the image is busy as is.


Starbuck + Zak.

Yes, they used to frak. Ought to be implied by the note on their engagement. And the fact that they frakked on-screen. I didn't feel like adding a second line between the characters, so... there isn't one.


Spectral Baltar + Caprica.

Spectral Six came on to Baltar like crazy in the beginning. Spectral Baltar, in what little we saw of him in 2x18 (Downloaded), was not sexual in any way. He was distant, pissed ("you nuked my planet, bitch!"), and sarcastic. He did seem to love Caprica, but not in any physical way. Plus, Caprica seemed to be quite shaken by the download procedure, and her actions, and I highly doubt she would have been in the mood even if Spectral Baltar had been.


Baltar + Spectral Six.

Yes, they were bunnies in Season One, but since then, not so much. Spectral Six stopped wearing red, and sort of became distant after she thought Hera had died. It is implied that she wasn't around at all in the year we skipped, and after telling Baltar that it was judgement day in 2x20 (Lay Down Your Burdens II), it is implied that she didn't show up again until Caprica's temporary death by the hands of a Doral model in 3x02 (Precipice). So while they're still an item, they're not an item in their spectral bed.


Roslin.

Gods, she looks amazing in that promo photo. Rawr.


Cain + Gina.

Come on. You suspected it, too. Cain's sadistic attitude seemed to go way beyond that of an admiral against a really, really bad prisoner. This had undertones of a woman scorned all over it. It makes sense, too -- as a Cylon agent, Gina could easily have needed information only accessible to Cain, and if Gina saw that Cain might be receptive to the seduction she used on Baltar, she might as well have done the same here. After all, she's quite good at the whole seduction thing. Not to mention, how did Gina have access to Cain's quarters? Don't argue with me. Cain had a thing for Gina, and it ended up being her downfall.


Gaeta + Baltar.

Felix wants some crazy-genius ass. Season One bathroom scene in 1x07 (Six Degrees Of Separation), anyone? Not to mention all the other hints in other episodes over the years. Lt. Gaeta has the hots for Baltar. And let's not even get into alternate spellings of his last name...


Playa.

Since there are going to be questions, she's the skanky reporter who does it in the bathroom with Baltar in 1x11 (Colonial Day). She's also in the background in some other episodes. Also, we didn't specifically see her die on-screen, but she used to hang out on Cloud Nine all the time, and since Cloud Nine went BOOM!, she's probably space-toast. (If she pops up again, I'll update the chart.)


Model Eight.

The Basestar Sisters. Remember them? "We love you, Sharon!". So much that they came to visit her all totally nekkid. Love her, indeed. Also, since the Resurrection Ship was not yet destroyed when their basestar went BOOM!, they are all presumed resurrected. Also, Boomer, presently on New Caprica, is Galactica Sharon, and Sharon Agathon, presently on Galactica, is Caprica Sharon. Yes, it's confusing. And yes, that's why this show is awesome.


Leobens.

The Leoben found on the Gemenon Traveler, and subsequently spaced by the Roslin, is presumed resurrected because the NC (New Caprica) Leoben seems to know Kara in ways that the Cylons wouldn't necessarily, had he not resurrected and shared his knowledge of his torture ordeal in 1x06 (Litmus). Also, the Gemenon Leoben and the NC Leoben may be the same instance of the model. However, that needn't be so -- Sharon Agathon knew intimate details about training for the Colonial defense forces with Kara, even though those were actually the experiences of the Boomer instance. It would seem that Roslin's assumption that the Gemenon Leoben wouldn't resurrect because they were too far away from the shadow Cylon fleet was incorrect.


Cavil + Ellen.

Gross. Not going there.

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Dedicated in honor of the show's new, third season, and the spectacular premiere episodes.

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FEEDBACK!

Comments, questions? Go ahead, "so say you all" below!